Thursday, February 19, 2009

I explain to my brother why the Woodland Shrew needs to be saved


Hi Frank

I'm your brother Tim

you may remember me from such films as "I'm your brother, Tim" and "OMG my brother is awesome!"

but i'm not here today to talk to you about those

i'm here to talk to you about a much more important issue.

Did you know that the world's population of woodland shrews are declining at an exponential rate due to woodland shrew poachers?


did i ever


these calm gentle (not really gentle) shrews are being hunted for their fine coats to be used in couch cushions

i will forward you pictures of the horrible deeds going on in the woodland area


ok i sent the email

it's just terrible

this must be stopped


The Email

from Tim Z.
to Frank <>
date Thu, Feb 19, 2009 at 3:07 PM
subject Look at these pictures of woodland shrew poachings

hide details 3:07 PM (2 minutes ago)


OMG this is horrible! Forward to all your friends

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

I haven't had any good conversations lately

I have not had any amusing conversations as of late, so here is a picture of some nuns.

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Thursday, February 12, 2009

Babylonians had it right

Dave: word up
me: dave
guess what today is
It's Thursday
the holy day of Thurs
Dave: TGI Thursday!
me: Ancient Babylonians recognized the race of Thurs and celebrated them as gods once a week
Dave: i have black shoes on
me: The Thurs were powerful people what had the ability to bring peace
that is why once you celebrate the Day of Thurs, it is immediately followed by Friday, or as the Babylonians called it...The Weekend.
Dave: well duh..ya
who doesn't know that
me: the useless race of Tues?
Dave: yes they don't
me: If you don't properly celebrate the Day of Thurs, you get laid off the next day
Dave: NO!!!!
what shall I do to celebrate?
me: send a check to Day of Thurs Celebration Fund to me
Dave is offline.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Clean up on Aisle Seven

So I get woken up from my nap today (only 20 minutes into it) by the sound of torrential rain. Come to find out, it's windy as hell, someone dumping ice balls on my deck, and my dog is flipping out.
Because he stank up a room, I had my bedroom windows open. So I flew around the house closing stuff which made Doug (my dog) flip out even more.

Dave & I Discuss "Snuggies"


me: omg
Sent at 10:22 AM on Wednesday

Dave: ya its pretty much the best theme in the world!
I order you 20 snuggies
that sounds chinese
i order you 20 snuggie!
Sent at 10:24 AM on Wednesday

me: i snug you long time!

Dave: lol
Sent at 10:27 AM on Wednesday

me: oooo i snug so hard

Dave: I get my snug on

me: i'll snug the living day lights out of you
hahaa violent snuggling

Dave: hahah

me: "You're not into any of the weird shit are you?"
"No, just violent snuggling"

Dave: "babe, would you like to snuggle"? "NO, get away"
"he never wants to snuggle with me anymore" "wonder why"

me: "Ya we got a call about some domestic snuggling at this address"
" i just snuggled down the stairs"

Dave: lol

Friday, February 06, 2009

Medical Breakthrough

Sent at 11:23 AM on Tuesday
me: plague?
why'd you get that?
Monica: yes
i've had a nasty cold for a few days now
me: Blast it out with my new patented COLD B GONE!
Monica: because i stayed out too late too much at places I shouldn't visit so often engaging in behaviors that affect my liver and immune system.
i'm gonna guess that its a fat slap to the forehead, yes?
me: it's an innovative new product with the power of TEN!
not JUST a fat slap! This product beats all other cold medications because it IS all the cold medications! We combined 10 brand name cold medications into one for the ULTIMATE cold fighting medication!
no other medication can take care of ALL your ailments like COLD B GONE
What about the side effects you say? I'm glad you asked because we thought of that and put medication in take care of the side effects! WOW!
Monica: do you write on your website anymore? 'cause you definitely should.
me: and if you order now, we'll not only TRIPLE your prescription, but we'll throw in a tin of Sucrets! FREE!
no i don't

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Conversation with Dave about online dating sites

4:28 PM

: i want to make a fake dating site that you go through a mild questionaire with really personal questions, then it would match everyone to fake profiles of HUGE women
Dave: lol
thats; funny as shit

: lol
You have new matches! Mailbox full

: and all it does is spam your personal email

: lol
4:29 PM
: omg what a good scam'

: it's not a scam as much as it's a joke

: yea

: people would be like "is my perfect mate really a 400lb mexican woman?"
4:30 PM or a 350lb Scottish lass?

: I can't wait to meet her
all my life I have been waiting on something "big"

: ! and instead of mailbox full message, it would read "Over weight limit"


Tuesday, February 03, 2009

This blog sucks

This dude on the right is showing me a metaphor for what he wants to do to my blog because he thinks it sucks and I quote, "Το ιστολόγιό σας είναι χάλια." That's what he'd say if he spoke Greek.

Anyways, this blog is never updated and the content looks like it's been written by a 14 year old with an 8 year old's education. I mean, even this picture of this African dude with a pile of trash on his head was probably just taken from google by searching for "trash".

Anyways, I think I'm going to start posting interesting conversations I have with people online. Mostly because those are often more creative than these retarded posts I've been doing. I already have a few saved and I'll post them as I collect some more so I don't supersaturate your head with stupidity.

Fact of the Day That I Just Made Up: Dasani bottled water is produced by Coca-Cola and is actually made from squeezing out soggy cigarettes found in urinals. That may not be true but it sure tastes like it doesn't it!

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