Fortune Cookie Revolution

Alright, here's the situation. I just got from the new little restaurant named Chow. It's right by Chipotle and resembles the style.

Upon leaving, I received this fortune in my fortune cookie. My first reaction, "What a bullshit fortune!". I mean how is that suppose to help me in any way? So while I was driving home, I was thinking of fortunes that SHOULD be in fortune cookies. I mean, lets face it, fortunes suck these days. They're all like, "You may possibly have teeth" or "You ate Asian food". Well here's some of the fortunes my terrible mind came up with.

• You're going to get laid tonight
• Your car sucks
• The waitress likes you
• Your stomach is not going to agree with that sushi
• She has Herpes
• I told him you have Herpes
• You're not getting laid tonight
• Your check just bounced
• That wasn't chicken
• Your mom
• You're going to get hit by a drunk on the way home
• Tomorrow's Lottery number 1 2 3 4 5
• North Korea has nukes
• You'll discover the next big cure 10 yrs from now, to bad you'll die in 5
  

And that concludes my submissions for new fortune cookie fortunes. Got any good ones yourself? Post it in the comments.