Method for pissing off your brain

As a college student, i get far to little sleep. I have developed a 12 step program to be able to stay up late and get up early without feeling tired. Common side affects include but are not limited to headache, stomach aches, diarrhea, uncontrolled tremors, hyper activeness, addiction to hard drugs, gas, vomiting, stroke, heart attack, and mild bitchiness. Do not use this program if you're pregnant. May cause death in small children and pets. Safe to drive and operate small to medium machinery. See your doctor for warnings about using this method. Do not use this method often. Recommended usage is no more than once a week.

1) First off, set your alarm for about an hour before you want (or need) to get up. If you have 2 alarm clocks, set the second one for the time you want to get up.

2) Purchase some caffeine pills (NoDose etc). Some places I.D. you for getting these (Wal-Mart).

3) Before going to bed, set 1 pill out and a glass of water.

4) Go to bed.

5) When the first alarm goes off, take the pill and water.

6) Go back to sleep.

7) While you are sleeping the pill will kick in. Depending on how you are, you may wake up before the 2nd alarm goes off. For me, the alarm goes off and pretty much awake and ready to go.

8) Get up and do whatever the hell it is that you're up early to do.

9) There really is no step nine so you can put whatever you want in here.

10) This is simply a boost to get you and start your day. It does NOT replace your morning coffee.

11) If caffeine gives you a head, take some Excedrin or Tylenol.

12) Enjoy your day!

Surgeon General's Warning: This method is known to cause cancer in the state of California. If you use this method, stay the hell out of California.